Sunday, March 3, 2013

March 2013 -- Personal Blog Post 1

~ Sibling Rivalry ~

I at home listening to Nina Simone, playing spades, pinning on Pinterest and watching "my friends" on YouTube online.

yesterday was defiantly a long day. First I stared by going to the gym after delaying it two days in a row due to physical pain and dizziness. I hate not going to the gym for a long period of time because it is so hard for me to get back into the swing of things workout wise. So  I struggled a bit getting back into my already low impact gym routine.

I worked out earlier than usual, around noon because I had a dinner with my sisters and some strangers later that evening. Erica, my younger sister and the youngest of the four of us invited me two days before this dinner she was having. She invited some her friends along with myself, my bro and other sister. I really didn't want to go that badly, but knowing that I wont see her besides that night and she is always complaining that I say I can't go when she does invite me places, I said I would go and make this my night out for the month of March.

I say no to her because of money. She goes to places like Jamaica and Bulls games. Um, yeah...that is fucking ridiculous!

She planned on this place called Buffalo Wild Wings a noisy sports bar of no way of having a real conversion and surrounded by greasy heart clogging food that is best enjoyed when there is fun involved. and  there was no where near fun involved. 

As I predicted, her stuck up friends ignored me. and I tried hard to not try hard in talking to them and just tried to focus on my sisters. Erica just pretty much sat there and my other sis Tasha talked about herself as usual. 

I was going to leave early knowing that I wasn't going to have a good time...but I had a glass of Merlot and shared a fruity cocktail with Tasha, so I was pretty tolerable of the horrible company due to alcohol.

I had some chips n salsa, Parmesan/garlic & hot BBQ wings (which Tasha & I shared), and some mozzarella sticks and jalapeno poppers

I mean...that is just not a place you go to when you are estranged from a sister like we are. I know she doesn't care about the relationship. And has hurt me. I have spent days in side so depressed about the whole mess of thing that is my family. 

I guess is was mainly for her birthday and she can choose where ever the hell she wants to go, but we could do a whole separate thing to reconnect. But she has no interest in that and I got that. Really I do! I have to! 

They don't care about my life, dislikes, likes, daily struggles or triumphs...they just don't give a rats ass. And if it were any body else it wouldn't matter, but because it has been my siblings, it has been so painful.

I need to and am going to keep my distance. If they need a kidney then they can call me. Other then that I am going to work on not reaching out to them anymore

Peace & Love,